Becoming Milo

A white lab coat and some safety goggles complete the costume. Yet not all is complete to make Professor Milo who he needs to be. Developing a character for plays and theatre was always a difficult task for me. The director would tell us to come up with a character and his or her conflict in the play. We had to define the character by their history, family, schooling and living status. We were supposed to breathe life and depth into a person that otherwise would not exist; and I’m sure some people would like to argue does not exist outside the four walls of the theatre.

It was always easier to come up with the history and background and let the character would flow from that, rather than create a character and then try to define his story and why he was the way he was. This was always a stretch for me. I always had a hard time stepping outside what I already knew. It was hard to look past your own personal ideas and life and make something new. It was always a stretch for me to do figure and plan something I didn’t understand. I was supposed to be able to create a new person based on ideas and thoughts in my own mind. I was supposed to come up with a new world-view and new ideals to create a person who may be completely opposite how I see myself. This is the dilemma.

We are obviously each raised in different environments and places. Every person has been shaped by life experiences and events. Without getting too far into the Nature v. Nurture debate it’s pretty easy to see that we are all different in our views of our worlds, our outlooks and ourselves. These differences are caused by a variety of factors that have shaped much of what we hold onto today.

Creating us and shaping us has been God’s purpose since before our entrance into this earth. He has a purpose and a plan that is unique and specific for you and I. This plan that He has is shaped by where He takes us and the individual experiences we each go through. Although at the time it’s usually a stretch for us, we can often times look back and later see where and why He was leading us the way He did.

My mind has struggled with this entry for a few days now. It’s taken me a lot longer to formulate and process what I need to write for this letter, than on any other. Even now I sit here and try to put into words the feelings and emotions that I’m facing. I think a lot of what I need to say comes from my selfish desires to know the end and the result of this next stage in my life. I want to know the character God is building me into and where He is leading me. I don’t want the process, I want the result. I don’t want the growing and stretching, I want the rest. I don’t want to be at point “A” when I know there’s a point “B” coming along somewhere. I guess I should just explain.

I leave this Wednesday for Africa. I will be leading an intern team of four into South Africa, Rwanda and Uganda. We will be gone from August 30th until the beginning of December. I think the struggle comes in knowing that my flesh doesn’t really want to do this. I mean if I can be completely honest, and this is probably going to sound somewhat “unmissionary-like”, I don’t want to do this.

I don’t reeeaally want to be gone for that long, I don’t want to experience cold showers, rice and beans everyday, goat meat, bottled water, uncomfortable beds, sleepless nights, foreign languages, people staring at you, long bus rides, hot sweaty days, no communication with home, no home, living out of a suitcase, being away, slow internet connections, waking up early, giving and giving and giving. All these things that I don’t really look forward to, or really miss that much are balanced knowing that He is bringing me into a deeper understanding of His plan. I know God is taking me somewhere and He’s forming me into a character and person that He wants me to be, it’s just the process, the process that is causing the most pain.

So I walk this semester in obedience. I take on this mantle of leading this team and all that goes with it under the knowledge that I am being obedient to what He has brought me into. Most other trips I’ve been on have been great because I’m walking in the excitement and passion of the ministry. Yet somehow this time it’s different. I am in simple obedience to His will for my life at this time. I think this is much harder.

Becoming Milo is in reference to a Children’s Show “Demo” that is being filmed here at Book of Hope. It’s something one of the ladies here and the studio are putting together to try to provide needed material for kids here in the United States. What will happen or where it will take us, no one really knows, but that for me would represent the point “B”. I would love to be a part of a children’s show in some kind of ministry aspect. That would really be something that would fulfill a true heart’s desire in my life. Yet because of my travel schedule, I won’t be able to help or be a part of it. But I still walk in obedience.

And there is another point “B” in my life right now, it involves another person, someone that I want to know and share every experience of life with. Yet during these next couple months our lives will be separated by thousands of miles. I wait anxiously and excitedly as God creates and develops in me the type of person I need to be. I look forward to the day I can look back and see the how The Director created me into the character He wants me to be, and the person that she needs me to be. I look forward to the day you can all meet Professor Milo.

Sure enough, this letter comes just as we prepare to leave for the airport to board a plane that will take us to South Africa. I got up this morning at 630am, I start to think about the three months that lay ahead of me and the path I must walk. I know this will be one semester I will remember for a very long time. Walking in obedience to God’s will, not my own.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Psalms 51:16-17