A white lab coat and some safety goggles complete the costume. Yet not all is complete to make Professor Milo who he needs to be. Developing a character for plays and theatre was always a difficult task for me. The director would tell us to come up with a character and his or her conflict in the play. We had to define the character by their history, family, schooling and living status. We were supposed to breathe life and depth into a person that otherwise would not exist; and I’m sure some people would like to argue does not exist outside the four walls of the theatre.
It was always easier to come up with the history and background and let the character would flow from that, rather than create a character and then try to define his story and why he was the way he was. This was always a stretch for me. I always had a hard time stepping outside what I already knew. It was hard to look past your own personal ideas and life and make something new. It was always a stretch for me to do figure and plan something I didn’t understand. I was supposed to be able to create a new person based on ideas and thoughts in my own mind. I was supposed to come up with a new world-view and new ideals to create a person who may be completely opposite how I see myself. This is the dilemma.
We are obviously each raised in different environments and places. Every person has been shaped by life experiences and events. Without getting too far into the Nature v. Nurture debate it’s pretty easy to see that we are all different in our views of our worlds, our outlooks and ourselves. These differences are caused by a variety of factors that have shaped much of what we hold onto today.
Creating us and shaping us has been God’s purpose since before our entrance into this earth. He has a purpose and a plan that is unique and specific for you and I. This plan that He has is shaped by where He takes us and the individual experiences we each go through. Although at the time it’s usually a stretch for us, we can often times look back and later see where and why He was leading us the way He did.
My mind has struggled with this entry for a few days now. It’s taken me a lot longer to formulate and process what I need to write for this letter, than on any other. Even now I sit here and try to put into words the feelings and emotions that I’m facing. I think a lot of what I need to say comes from my selfish desires to know the end and the result of this next stage in my life. I want to know the character God is building me into and where He is leading me. I don’t want the process, I want the result. I don’t want the growing and stretching, I want the rest. I don’t want to be at point “A” when I know there’s a point “B” coming along somewhere. I guess I should just explain.
I leave this Wednesday for Africa. I will be leading an intern team of four into South Africa, Rwanda and Uganda. We will be gone from August 30th until the beginning of December. I think the struggle comes in knowing that my flesh doesn’t really want to do this. I mean if I can be completely honest, and this is probably going to sound somewhat “unmissionary-like”, I don’t want to do this.
I don’t reeeaally want to be gone for that long, I don’t want to experience cold showers, rice and beans everyday, goat meat, bottled water, uncomfortable beds, sleepless nights, foreign languages, people staring at you, long bus rides, hot sweaty days, no communication with home, no home, living out of a suitcase, being away, slow internet connections, waking up early, giving and giving and giving. All these things that I don’t really look forward to, or really miss that much are balanced knowing that He is bringing me into a deeper understanding of His plan. I know God is taking me somewhere and He’s forming me into a character and person that He wants me to be, it’s just the process, the process that is causing the most pain.
So I walk this semester in obedience. I take on this mantle of leading this team and all that goes with it under the knowledge that I am being obedient to what He has brought me into. Most other trips I’ve been on have been great because I’m walking in the excitement and passion of the ministry. Yet somehow this time it’s different. I am in simple obedience to His will for my life at this time. I think this is much harder.
Becoming Milo is in reference to a Children’s Show “Demo” that is being filmed here at Book of Hope. It’s something one of the ladies here and the studio are putting together to try to provide needed material for kids here in the United States. What will happen or where it will take us, no one really knows, but that for me would represent the point “B”. I would love to be a part of a children’s show in some kind of ministry aspect. That would really be something that would fulfill a true heart’s desire in my life. Yet because of my travel schedule, I won’t be able to help or be a part of it. But I still walk in obedience.
And there is another point “B” in my life right now, it involves another person, someone that I want to know and share every experience of life with. Yet during these next couple months our lives will be separated by thousands of miles. I wait anxiously and excitedly as God creates and develops in me the type of person I need to be. I look forward to the day I can look back and see the how The Director created me into the character He wants me to be, and the person that she needs me to be. I look forward to the day you can all meet Professor Milo.
Sure enough, this letter comes just as we prepare to leave for the airport to board a plane that will take us to South Africa. I got up this morning at 630am, I start to think about the three months that lay ahead of me and the path I must walk. I know this will be one semester I will remember for a very long time. Walking in obedience to God’s will, not my own.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Psalms 51:16-17
8.30.2006
7.27.2006
Ecualombia
I’m going to try to explain a place to you that you’ve probably never been to before. You may have visited places similar or heard of such places, but I don’t think it’s somewhere you’ve visited… yet. Let me take you there.
I’ll tell you this, the language spoken here is Spanish, but even in your extensive yet limited knowledge of the language, you still may not understand what people are saying. There will definitely come times during presentations that you wish you knew more. You may be suddenly called upon to do parts in dramas that you haven’t done for a year or more and expected to know the language. Welcome my friends, to Ecualombia, a place I’ve been many times and am now visiting again.
It’s important to remember some things when visiting this somewhat exotic location. It’s hard to even think where to start, because there are so many things that are different. Let’s start here, with your daily schedule. Each morning at about 5:20am your alarm goes off, a little unexpected and horrifying at first when you try to realize you only set it six hours ago. Your day starts early because your schools start early, your days go late because the programs at night run late. You force your body to sit-up. You know this will be the hour before breakfast when you and God have the only quiet time you may have during the day. Welcome to your days in Ecualombia, a place where the dogs only bark near your window the one day you get to sleep in.
Your food may be a little different than what you’re accustomed to. It may have been an animal you were recently watching in a field nearby. It may have been some part of an animal that we would normally throw out. Your food will most likely include rice and beans, staple foods that are usually served at every meal, even at breakfast. It’s possible that last nights dinner has already gone through you or come back to haunt you. Try to avoid anything that’s been washed in unfiltered water or hasn’t been sanitized. It’s a rather difficult question to ask in another language. Welcome my amigos to Ecualombia and meals that you better not make faces at, your being watched.
You will probably sit at a table, ride in a van, share a room, or any number of other activities with people you may have never met before until a few days ago or you’ve been traveling with for the past two months. You will most likely talk about what you dreamed about last night either out of lack of other relevant stories or fear of sharing something else more secret. You may actually learn to really admire some, you may learn to try to avoid others. No matter the case, you will learn things about each other and share things that you may have never shared before. You may learn things about yourself even, things that you thought were bad in others are actually things you may need to work out in your own life. Welcome friends and teammates to Ecualombia, a pressure cooker that will push all your buttons all on the same day.
You will be in front of hundreds of students, all excited, anxious and sometimes terrified of the visitors in their school that day. You will do your best to share a message that will touch their hearts and will be appropriate for their place. You will do things you thought you’d never do, act like you would never act normally. You will participate in dramas and songs that may seem lame at first but you notice the children respond well and seem to be getting the point when you tell them your story. You will most likely see many of them cry, laugh and smile all in the same moments. Kids may try to touch your arm to see if your color will come off. They may react rudely or even seem uncaring, but remember, they only act what they’ve been taught and their actions are only reactions to what’s been done to them. So here in Ecualombia we don’t get upset when the kids try and get more than one book for their seven cousins.
Even now as I sit here typing this, I am in the upstairs area of a small church awaiting a six o’ clock celebration. The band that is practicing downstairs must believe that bigger is better and God is deaf, their sound is definitely carrying into the neighborhood areas that surround us. The church ceiling fans bring a slight relief to your sunburned neck that sat exposed to the solar/ gamma rays during your seven school presentations today. The pastor of the small church uses the same said upstairs area to house himself as well as his wife and child. I think I’m sitting in the entry way to the house. Welcome to Ecualombia, where churches are not what they look like on the outside, more than what they seem on the inside and you don’t have to be in the same city to hear the worship team.
Basically your day will consist of lots of schools and lots of kids and lots of books. There will be times when your body screams to stop and rest, other times it will not respond to what your mind tells it to do. Sometimes there will be laughter, tears, joy, sorrow and pain all mixed with an overwhelming amazement about the fact that God allows you to be a part of spreading His message of Hope around the world. “Why me?” is a question you may find yourself consistently asking. “How is it God, that you chose me to be a part of what you’re doing?” Welcome to Ecualombia, a place where wonder of God’s work and our opportunity to be a part can only be described as beautiful.
So here I am in Ecuador for a few days with a team from Boston. On August 1st I leave and meet a team in Colombia. That’s where the name comes from. It’s a place that I kind of invented but I’m sure many of you have heard of similar places or visited places like this before.
Sorry if this email is too much, it’s my life and it’s all I know how to write about.
Thanks for reading.
I’ll tell you this, the language spoken here is Spanish, but even in your extensive yet limited knowledge of the language, you still may not understand what people are saying. There will definitely come times during presentations that you wish you knew more. You may be suddenly called upon to do parts in dramas that you haven’t done for a year or more and expected to know the language. Welcome my friends, to Ecualombia, a place I’ve been many times and am now visiting again.
It’s important to remember some things when visiting this somewhat exotic location. It’s hard to even think where to start, because there are so many things that are different. Let’s start here, with your daily schedule. Each morning at about 5:20am your alarm goes off, a little unexpected and horrifying at first when you try to realize you only set it six hours ago. Your day starts early because your schools start early, your days go late because the programs at night run late. You force your body to sit-up. You know this will be the hour before breakfast when you and God have the only quiet time you may have during the day. Welcome to your days in Ecualombia, a place where the dogs only bark near your window the one day you get to sleep in.
Your food may be a little different than what you’re accustomed to. It may have been an animal you were recently watching in a field nearby. It may have been some part of an animal that we would normally throw out. Your food will most likely include rice and beans, staple foods that are usually served at every meal, even at breakfast. It’s possible that last nights dinner has already gone through you or come back to haunt you. Try to avoid anything that’s been washed in unfiltered water or hasn’t been sanitized. It’s a rather difficult question to ask in another language. Welcome my amigos to Ecualombia and meals that you better not make faces at, your being watched.
You will probably sit at a table, ride in a van, share a room, or any number of other activities with people you may have never met before until a few days ago or you’ve been traveling with for the past two months. You will most likely talk about what you dreamed about last night either out of lack of other relevant stories or fear of sharing something else more secret. You may actually learn to really admire some, you may learn to try to avoid others. No matter the case, you will learn things about each other and share things that you may have never shared before. You may learn things about yourself even, things that you thought were bad in others are actually things you may need to work out in your own life. Welcome friends and teammates to Ecualombia, a pressure cooker that will push all your buttons all on the same day.
You will be in front of hundreds of students, all excited, anxious and sometimes terrified of the visitors in their school that day. You will do your best to share a message that will touch their hearts and will be appropriate for their place. You will do things you thought you’d never do, act like you would never act normally. You will participate in dramas and songs that may seem lame at first but you notice the children respond well and seem to be getting the point when you tell them your story. You will most likely see many of them cry, laugh and smile all in the same moments. Kids may try to touch your arm to see if your color will come off. They may react rudely or even seem uncaring, but remember, they only act what they’ve been taught and their actions are only reactions to what’s been done to them. So here in Ecualombia we don’t get upset when the kids try and get more than one book for their seven cousins.
Even now as I sit here typing this, I am in the upstairs area of a small church awaiting a six o’ clock celebration. The band that is practicing downstairs must believe that bigger is better and God is deaf, their sound is definitely carrying into the neighborhood areas that surround us. The church ceiling fans bring a slight relief to your sunburned neck that sat exposed to the solar/ gamma rays during your seven school presentations today. The pastor of the small church uses the same said upstairs area to house himself as well as his wife and child. I think I’m sitting in the entry way to the house. Welcome to Ecualombia, where churches are not what they look like on the outside, more than what they seem on the inside and you don’t have to be in the same city to hear the worship team.
Basically your day will consist of lots of schools and lots of kids and lots of books. There will be times when your body screams to stop and rest, other times it will not respond to what your mind tells it to do. Sometimes there will be laughter, tears, joy, sorrow and pain all mixed with an overwhelming amazement about the fact that God allows you to be a part of spreading His message of Hope around the world. “Why me?” is a question you may find yourself consistently asking. “How is it God, that you chose me to be a part of what you’re doing?” Welcome to Ecualombia, a place where wonder of God’s work and our opportunity to be a part can only be described as beautiful.
So here I am in Ecuador for a few days with a team from Boston. On August 1st I leave and meet a team in Colombia. That’s where the name comes from. It’s a place that I kind of invented but I’m sure many of you have heard of similar places or visited places like this before.
Sorry if this email is too much, it’s my life and it’s all I know how to write about.
Thanks for reading.
6.28.2006
Hearing the children echo
And the children echo, and the sounds fill the empty walls of the brick church and up to the tin roof that is radiating the African sun and warming the church. The songs are carried to the heavens in the hands of angels who deliver them to the creator who in turn smiles and sends his favor to the small building on the African hillside in the small province of Umutara.
There is no thousand dollar sound system here. There is no mood lighting or worship team to help usher us into the most holy place. Just voices singing with enough conviction to make you love Jesus and want to worship even more.
You can make out only two words in the unfamiliar language, one is Jesus, and the other is their homeland Africa. Two words you know they sing most passionately about.
There are no denominations here; there are no skin differences. No language barriers are here either, for the sound is a haunting. It haunts your soul, deep into a place where no one is safe. The words are not understood, but the emotions are easily heard, their singing fills places and touches parts of your spirit that are unprepared. A haunting, so moving you begin to see less and feel more. Songs of sorrow and songs of joy; the children sing with the conviction that they’ve known both. Songs passed from generation to generation now being sung by the next generation with my hopes that their lives will glorify Christ.
What is it about children’s voices that seem to make your heart burn or ache even more than you thought was possible? What is it about the abandon and absolute everything that the children seem to sing with? Why does my heart ache to know what the words are and yet know that I probably understand more already without the lyrics?
Their songs confirm in your heart what God has been telling you for the past couple weeks. The songs replay the message He has been trying to get through to you for this next step. After seeing their faces and lives and experiences, how is it possible to return “home” and be the same? How can I not go? How can I sit back and try and turn my eyes from the need there is in the world?
What will it take for me to decide whether or not to continue giving my life to the people who have never heard? When is my breaking point when I realize the futility of the American dream and the “things” that make us happy? Will I again surrender my dreams and my goals and my desires for the life that God has for me?
I think I’m a step closer now after hearing a small children’s choir sing in a foreign language about the things they’ve experienced. Because being in this environment, away from the familiar, away from the normal church services, away from the comfortable; He is able to finally get through to us. And it is here that things become clear and answers are found.
As the song ends I clap with the congregation, wipe my cheeks and look up to see the children are still standing there. Another song begins as the worship leader sings out a verse and the process begins again as the children begin to echo…
There is no thousand dollar sound system here. There is no mood lighting or worship team to help usher us into the most holy place. Just voices singing with enough conviction to make you love Jesus and want to worship even more.
You can make out only two words in the unfamiliar language, one is Jesus, and the other is their homeland Africa. Two words you know they sing most passionately about.
There are no denominations here; there are no skin differences. No language barriers are here either, for the sound is a haunting. It haunts your soul, deep into a place where no one is safe. The words are not understood, but the emotions are easily heard, their singing fills places and touches parts of your spirit that are unprepared. A haunting, so moving you begin to see less and feel more. Songs of sorrow and songs of joy; the children sing with the conviction that they’ve known both. Songs passed from generation to generation now being sung by the next generation with my hopes that their lives will glorify Christ.
What is it about children’s voices that seem to make your heart burn or ache even more than you thought was possible? What is it about the abandon and absolute everything that the children seem to sing with? Why does my heart ache to know what the words are and yet know that I probably understand more already without the lyrics?
Their songs confirm in your heart what God has been telling you for the past couple weeks. The songs replay the message He has been trying to get through to you for this next step. After seeing their faces and lives and experiences, how is it possible to return “home” and be the same? How can I not go? How can I sit back and try and turn my eyes from the need there is in the world?
What will it take for me to decide whether or not to continue giving my life to the people who have never heard? When is my breaking point when I realize the futility of the American dream and the “things” that make us happy? Will I again surrender my dreams and my goals and my desires for the life that God has for me?
I think I’m a step closer now after hearing a small children’s choir sing in a foreign language about the things they’ve experienced. Because being in this environment, away from the familiar, away from the normal church services, away from the comfortable; He is able to finally get through to us. And it is here that things become clear and answers are found.
As the song ends I clap with the congregation, wipe my cheeks and look up to see the children are still standing there. Another song begins as the worship leader sings out a verse and the process begins again as the children begin to echo…
5.16.2006
Chasing Daylight
Flying Westward you follow the sunshine as it races it’s way across the sky. Lucky enough to have a window seat you experience the beauty of God’s imagination in the colors spread across the sky. Traveling into the setting sun you arrive at your destination only a short time after you’ve left, depending on your layovers. It’s during these times when you experience an extended daytime and you have plenty more time to think about things and try to figure out your life and where it’s going. Westward at the moment would be the answer. More than just the physical direction instead, trying to figure out what your life is becoming.
Purpose in life is always the big question, what am I going to do with my life? What will I be when I grow up? Who will I marry? Where will I live? Which job should I take? What’s the next step? These questions run through our minds daily. I heard a pastor speak recently who emphasized more of the being than the doing. God is more interested in us becoming who He wants us to be, not doing something for Him.
After reading that last sentence don’t misunderstand that we should sit around waiting for God to make us who He wants us to be, and do nothing for Him.
For the past four and a half years I’ve been doing God’s work. I’ve been telling children and young people around the world about His love and His hope for their lives. I’ve traveled to different countries, lived in different places and tried to endure different foods. During this time, I’ve seen changes in my life and changes in my perspectives. It wasn’t about the work; it’s been about the shaping of my heart and the destruction of my own selfish motives and desires in life. It’s been about the teaching moments when God moves and whispers into my heart.
What is our purpose in life? What are we here for? Two parts that I think are very important.
I believe our first purpose, is to glorify God.
Personally, I want my time, resources, actions and words to glorify Him. I think we all do. I think we all want God to be glorified with what He has given us. I want Him to look on me with a smile, to be proud of me and who I am. I want people to see my life and see His hands at work in me.
The second thing is to point other people to Him. As much as I will be very happy to go to heaven and be with Christ, I know that I can accomplish much more for Him here on this earth than I can in the life after. Once Christ comes and returns for His church our work will be done. I don’t want to stand in front of Him and be upset that I could have done more. I keep my mind focused on the eternal, remembering that things in this world will fade and be destroyed. I want to live having no regrets about what else I could have given. There is no wealth, possession or achievement in this world that attracts me and I want to live knowing that I will never pursue these things. I will never pursue the American Dream, for that is all it is; a dream that will never be obtained or achieved.
My next trip will take me to the country of Rwanda. Marking the 12-year date of the genocide that took place, Book of Hope will be working alongside other ministries to help bring “100 days of Hope”. www.hoperwanda.org We have the opportunity to provide the Book of Hope to over 2 million children.
Please pray for me as I lead an intern team into this beautiful, yet hurting nation. I greatly depend on your prayers and support to continue this work. Please pray for wisdom, joy and protection over our team.
Purpose in life is always the big question, what am I going to do with my life? What will I be when I grow up? Who will I marry? Where will I live? Which job should I take? What’s the next step? These questions run through our minds daily. I heard a pastor speak recently who emphasized more of the being than the doing. God is more interested in us becoming who He wants us to be, not doing something for Him.
After reading that last sentence don’t misunderstand that we should sit around waiting for God to make us who He wants us to be, and do nothing for Him.
For the past four and a half years I’ve been doing God’s work. I’ve been telling children and young people around the world about His love and His hope for their lives. I’ve traveled to different countries, lived in different places and tried to endure different foods. During this time, I’ve seen changes in my life and changes in my perspectives. It wasn’t about the work; it’s been about the shaping of my heart and the destruction of my own selfish motives and desires in life. It’s been about the teaching moments when God moves and whispers into my heart.
What is our purpose in life? What are we here for? Two parts that I think are very important.
I believe our first purpose, is to glorify God.
Personally, I want my time, resources, actions and words to glorify Him. I think we all do. I think we all want God to be glorified with what He has given us. I want Him to look on me with a smile, to be proud of me and who I am. I want people to see my life and see His hands at work in me.
The second thing is to point other people to Him. As much as I will be very happy to go to heaven and be with Christ, I know that I can accomplish much more for Him here on this earth than I can in the life after. Once Christ comes and returns for His church our work will be done. I don’t want to stand in front of Him and be upset that I could have done more. I keep my mind focused on the eternal, remembering that things in this world will fade and be destroyed. I want to live having no regrets about what else I could have given. There is no wealth, possession or achievement in this world that attracts me and I want to live knowing that I will never pursue these things. I will never pursue the American Dream, for that is all it is; a dream that will never be obtained or achieved.
My next trip will take me to the country of Rwanda. Marking the 12-year date of the genocide that took place, Book of Hope will be working alongside other ministries to help bring “100 days of Hope”. www.hoperwanda.org We have the opportunity to provide the Book of Hope to over 2 million children.
Please pray for me as I lead an intern team into this beautiful, yet hurting nation. I greatly depend on your prayers and support to continue this work. Please pray for wisdom, joy and protection over our team.
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